you’re not perfect… June 29, 2010

I recently read the funniest post on a design blog yet. Here’s a link to Young House Love. They posted the funniest article about a website called Catalog Living. Basically it’s poking fun at design catalogs and magazines because of the funny staging…here’s an example:

Climate control…

Elaine wasn’t about to let some hot flashes get in the way of balancing the checkbook with the abacus.

BRILLIANT. I love it!

I laughed out loud! I immediately picked up the closest catalog and tried a few funny photo captions myself.

It helps to put it into perspective. I mean…who really lives like that? I’ve been struggling with the fantasy of having a magazine perfect home, but it isn’t realistic at all. I mean…where’s the pile of mail you just brought inside and haven’t sorted? Where’s your purse and lunch bag you dragged in after work? Where’s the glass of water and Advil on the nightstand? Toothbrush on the vanity? Not in those houses!

I keep reminding myself that not only are those rooms staged by a professional, but they are also photographed by a professional and photo-shopped to look perfect. It’s unattainable.

It reminds me of being a teenager when my mom started letting me read Seventeen magazine. Up until then I didn’t know that I didn’t have the perfect body or hair, or skin or clothes.  I had to be reminded (over and over again) that those girls were airbrushed and that even THEY didn’t really look like that.

Maybe we should start a magazine/catalog called “The Way We Really Live”. We could photograph beautifully decorated, LIVED-IN rooms.  You know…with a coffee cup on the coffee table—shocking! A couple of dishes in the sink. Maybe a basket of laundry? Okay…that might be pushing it a bit, but you get the idea.

And what about people? Not models, but real people living in real homes? Like the stay-at-home-mom who just dropped the kids off at soccer practice and came home with groceries to start dinner. She might have a beautiful home. I’d buy a magazine like that. Wouldn’t you?

Painting Saga Part Two June 29, 2010

So, I had a painter over last week (not the original painter as apparently he has fallen off the face of the earth), to give me an estimate.

Here’s a summary of how it went:

1)      Apparently I have a ‘huge’ job on my hands. (well no shit)

2)      If I want the bead board wallpaper hung on the ceiling, a base wallpaper would have to be hung first in order to hide the cracks or they will show through. It costs $18 per yard to hang the wallpaper times 2 because there will be two layers. Total for both rooms would be more than $800. JUST FOR THE CEILINGS.

3)      He charges $35 per hour to remove the existing wallpaper and prep walls for painting. (Robert the original painter only charged $15…just to give you some perspective.)

4)      He suggested possibly putting thin sheets of drywall at the ceiling if I want a smooth finish. The cheapest option is texturing…which I detest.

5)      Then he suggested possibly putting thin sheets of drywall over all the walls…but that would mess with my baseboards because the thinnest drywall sheets are thicker than the depth of the baseboards.

6)      Then he suggested possibly painting the wallpaper…specifically in the dining room. I told him that I’d already researched and tried to do it…I walked him back into the living room and showed him all of my seam mudding.

7)      He said I’m doing it wrong. I said…”what do you mean…I watched videos and did research.”….APPARENTLY…if you want to paint wallpaper…you are suppose to prime the wallpaper FIRST with oil base primer, THEN mud the seams. Not one piece of research or video watching said to do that. I’ll explain more about that in a minute.

8)      He’s going to email with estimates for several different scenarios, but the bottom line is that both rooms complete would cost me about $2,400. That’s about double what I’d budgeted for the room.

Stage five meltdown on deck.

I’m going to stop for a moment and explain that honestly…if I’d known it would be THIS much work and cost THIS much…I might not have bought this particular house. With that said…I’m still happy that I live in a cheap house and I should be grateful that I have this opportunity…but I’m so overwhelmed because I had NO idea the nightmare it would be to just make the place look pretty. That’s all I want. It’s not like I’m trying to build an addition or tear down a wall…I just want the room painted. Is that too much to ask?

So anyway…I have another painter coming tonight. I guarantee he’s going to be more expensive than the guy last night.

Instructions for painting wallpaper:

1)      Shot of tequila

2)      Clean up mess from when you thought you knew what you were doing. (clean joint compound from the seams)

3)      Tape off room

4)      Shot of tequila

5)      Prime all wallpaper surfaces with oil base, stain blocker primer

6)      Wait 3 days for it to dry

7)      More shots of tequila because by this time the buzz has worn off

8)      Mud the seams

9)      Wait 3 days for it to dry

10)   Sand mudded seams

11)   Shot of tequila

12)   Prime again if necessary

13)   Paint room a delightful color that you will get bored of after a month

Okay…with that said…here’s what I’m thinking about doing…

This weekend I’m going to experiment with priming the walls in the dining room…I haven’t really tried to remove any wallpaper in that room, so it should be easy. If painting the wallpaper works, then I might just continue on in the dining room myself to save money. Or at least get all of the priming done. That leaves a big gaping hole in the wallpaper in the living room to work around…it might just have to be blended. I don’t know.

Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? A gun?